If I Had a Heart
by rosepetalsinthewind
Summary: Cress was thrown into was a mess. Being the last Nightblood, she is quickly careened into a regime as Lexa's successor. She gains the attention of Clarke Griffin, but the newest Heda has found herself falling into love with Raven Reyes; however, things get dangerous once mysterious beasts begin appearing from the Unknown and a new enemy rises. (No second apocalypse AU).
1. Rain

_If I had a heart,_

 _I could love you._

 _If I had a voice,_

 _I could sing._

* * *

The only sounds Cress could hear was the pattering of the rain against the soft, muddied ground that squelched and squinched beneath the hooves of Cress's steed, Anik. The horse, similar to Cress, was an outcast; but, unlike Cress, Anik's deformity was on the outside- hence the six legs, the two pairs of front legs and the single pair of hind legs. Cress's deformity was more of a mental problem, a longing, a wanting. Cress shivered slightly, gaining chills for some unknown reason that made her draw the bearskin cloak closer over her shoulders, the fur wet against her already cold skin. She and her horse maneuvered through the underbrush and trees, the horse just as cold and tired as its rider. Cress drew in a shaky breath, her ice blue eyes half open, half closed in some weird, spacey coma. After what seemed like hours, and seeing that the rain had not let up, the grounder warrior slid from the horse's back and took the worn leather reins in her calloused hands. The feel, the smell, of the leather brought back old and painful childhood memories and the only thing that brought Cress back from the painful reminiscing was Anik nickering softly and nudging his owner's elbow gently.

"Heya der, Anik," Cress said softly, running her thumb down the horse's soft, velvety nose. "Chil au, ste yuj."

The horse nickered in response, but Cress took it as an answer anyways. She gently tugged on the horse's reins, leading the horse through the muddy terrain. Cress had heard the news of the Commander's passing, the great and famed Lexa had passed some time ago, perhaps a handful of weeks- but Cress did not keep track of time, nor did she keep contact with most people. With her free hand, Cress pulled her falchion from the sheath tied to her right thigh when she heard the low rumbling of some beast or monster, which was causing Anik to panic and pace.

"Chil au," Cress repeated to the horse, though she felt a bit afraid, too. Cress wasn't exactly in fighting shape at the moment, as she'd already been injured the day before from some ice warrior who had attempted to steal Anik. That brawl had caused Cress a gash in her left arm, which had been messily bandaged with some long fern leaves. "Chon ste der?" Cress demanded, her heartbeat racing. She heard a string of low, whispering murmurs.

Then, after a while, "Okay, look, put your weapon down." A deep, throaty voice said. So, these humans were Skaikru.

Cress swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to spot her enemies. "Show yourselves," Cress demanded, her grip on her weapon only tightening.

"Drop your weapon first,"

"Never."

A tall, lanky string-bean of a human crept forwards, a gun in his hands. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, weeks even. "Raise your hands," He said, "And you'll get off easy."

Cress watched him, weighing her options. He was obviously sleep-deprived, and maybe drunk, and he was shaking horribly; so Cress could potentially overpower him, but at what cost? Her teeth dug into her lower lip lightly, but she let go of Anik's reins and jumped at the guy, her falchion slashing his gun out of his hands and towards the ground.

"I got a hostile!" The man cried out, his eyes wide with fear. Cress's eyes darted towards the underbrush just as an olive-skinned girl drove herself forwards. The girl cocked her gun, aimed, and fired. Cress stumbled back a bit, her blue eyes wide, as she glanced down to see the dart in her side. She stumbled backwards again, slumping to the ground, her knees in the mud, before slumping forwards; her world turning dark.

* * *

When she woke up, Cress's head was spinning wildly and she felt sick. Her wrists were bound behind her back with something strong and she hardly felt like she could stand. Something had been shoved into her mouth, which prevented her from making any sound louder than a grunt. She lifted her gaze to see the olive-skinned woman staring at her with dark brown eyes that pierced Cress's own soul. She was trapped with the brunette in an iron, padded box; something Cress had never seen before.

"You should've just listened to him," The brunette said, shaking her head and _tsk_ -ing softly. Cress only glared, unable to speak to the sky person in front of her. The brunette sighed and moved to pull the piece of cloth from Cress's mouth, freeing her from the prison of fabric that had kept her voice detained.

"I listen to no one," Cress said, spitting on the brunette's shoe.

"Touchy." The brunette said, her face calm and composed, but Cress could detect the anger hidden beneath the woman's eyes. "Seems like a theme for you rogue grounders, you don't like orders. Now, are you Ice Nation? Woods Clan? Desert-"

"I am no one's." Cress hissed.

"So... you're a nomad?" The brunette asked, and was rewarded with a single, taut and reluctant nod. The brunette watched Cress for a long, silent while; either interested, confused, concerned, or all three.

"What?" Cress demanded, sitting up a bit taller. She was taller than the brunette anyways, and much stockier. If she wasn't restrained, she could take the woman down herself; however, the problem was not knowing where she was or how many others the brunette had with her. Instead, Cress rotated her neck a little to pop it and relieve some of the tension in her achy muscles; but then returned her attention to the brunette. "What is this and where are you taking me?" The grounder demanded.

"Um, this is a car." The brunette said, "You're in the back. And, we're taking you to Polis. We noticed something... interesting about you, and we're sure Clarke would like to see you."

"I am not a specimen you can just pull around." Cress said, her glare deepening. "I am not an animal. I did not harm you."

"But you almost harmed my friend." The brunette was studying the weapon in her hand now, Cress's falchion. "This is a nice piece of scrap metal, where'd you get it?"

Cress growled low in her throat, her anger rising, but she pushed it down. "It belongs to my family line. It is not scrap metal."

"Thought you said you were a nomad?"

"I am."

"Then where's your family, hm?" The brunette asked, setting Cress's weapon aside and folding her arms over her chest.

"They're gone. You sky people killed them," Cress spat bitterly.

Raven quirked an eyebrow, "We never killed any nomads-"

"We weren't always nomads, skaigada." Cress growled. "You killed my sister in your ring of fire."

The brunette leaned back a bit, studying Cress. From the front of the car, a small box opening that Cress had not seen, came a voice, "Raven! We're almost there."

"Thanks, Jasper," The woman, Raven, said before returning her gaze to Cress.

"Raven." Cress murmured, as if tasting the name. "Like the big black bird."

"Well, yeah, I guess so." Raven stared at Cress, almost curiously. "And, your name?"

"Why should I tell you? You abducted me." Cress said, eliciting an angry glare and sigh from Raven.

"Because you'll have to tell Clarke sooner or later," Raven said, raising her chin slightly, "You're a Nightblood."

Cress began to frown, the frown then turned into a glare. "You took my blood?"

"Your arm was wounded, we bandaged it for you. Your blood was black."

Cress growled softly. "You had no right to do that,"

"Had no right to _help_ you?" Raven demanded. Cress gave a low nod, then settled back against the metal of the wall. She felt the vehicle pull to a stop, to which she cocked her head and listened, curious. The doors on the east to Cress opened and Raven snatched Cress's arm and pulled her up. "Let's go, Nightblood."

* * *

Cress allowed them to lead her through the throngs of people gathered outside. Some were wounded, others were tending to the wounded. Cress's icy eyes lifted up and examined a rather tall building, to which the skaikru seemed to be leading her. It wasn't long before they entered it, moving towards a crudely constructed lift that was obviously in place of the original.

"Watch your step, grounder." The man, Jasper, said. Cress did not reply, nor did she show any emotion. She did not care what the skaikru thought. The lift began moving, lurching upwards in a way that gave Cress a bit of anxiety. The lift was slow and seemed to shake, and Cress already didn't like heights. The lift stopped after what seemed like forever and when it did stop, Raven pulled Cress off the lift again and led her towards a rather large room. On the large bed, a blonde woman was sitting, staring silently at a slightly crumbled drawing.

"Clarke?" Raven asked, a slight frown upon her features. Clarke looked up, a bit of confusion on her eyes but then it was replaced by some cold, unknown emotion.

"Raven, who's this?" Clarke asked, standing up.

"Clarke, we found this grounder out in the woods during a patrol." Raven began, "I don't know her name, she wouldn't tell us, but there's something you need to see." Raven sat Cress on the bed, untying her bandages to show the wound, her bronze skin stained black.

"Nightblood," Clarke murmured, her eyes widening slightly. Raven nodded in response. "What's your name?" Clarke asked Cress, folding her arms over her chest as her eyes met Cress's.

"Cressida." Cress replied. "Kom Louwoda Kliron, respectively,"

"You're from Shadow Valley," Clarke murmured, but the statement was to herself. Cress watched the woman for a long while before she spoke.

"What is it you want from me?" Cress asked, "And can you untie me? I have done nothing wrong."

Clarke moved to untie the woman, speaking when she was done, "You're a Nightblood, correct?"

"Yes."

"Well.. as you know, the commander needs to be a Nightblood. And, the only other Nightblood beside you is not willing to take the job, so..."

"So you're delegating me as your commander?" Cress asked, frowning.

Clarke nodded, "But I doubt you'd ever get a real ceremony."

* * *

 ** _Hi, guys! So, I've decided that I'm going to rewrite this story. I am doing this because I feel that I didn't fully write what I wanted to convey in this and that the story moved along rather quickly. Now, I plan to update this as frequently as I can, but feel free to PM me ideas you have. Also, since this is a fanfic- this is sort of an AU where there is no second apocalypse._**


	2. The Downfall of Us All

_Sometimes the right path_

 _is not the easiest one._

* * *

"No."

"What do you mean, _no_?" Clarke demanded. "Cressida, these are your people. They need you."

"No, they need a leader." Cress said. "I'm not a leader, and these people are not my people."

"You're a grounder, aren't you?"

"I'm a nomad. I was born to Shadow Valley, but that is no longer my home." Cress said, folding her arms. "My home was taken from me, and so was my family. And for that, I blame you. You are Clarke of the Sky People, aren't you?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"It was your ring of fire that killed my sister, the only member of my family that I had left." Cress said, standing. "Besides, I am not the only Nightblood. There have always been more, go find those."

"You don't understand, Cressida." Clarke's voice was low and harsh. "There are no more Nightbloods. Ontari killed them all."

Cress sucked in a breath. "This isn't my problem. Perhaps the old traditions should be broken."

"Break the traditions, and the grounders will go crazy." Clarke said, "They're already tearing each other apart. Please, they need you."

"No, they don't!" Cress said. "They don't need a nomad as their leader, they need someone who's trained. Someone like Lexa."

"Lexa's gone, and so is anyone who resembles her." Clarke said coldly. "You're all we've got, unfortunately, so do something with your sad, sorry self."

Cress squeezed her eyes shut, clenching her fists, as she sucked in a breath. "You cannot force me into this."

Clarke grabbed Cress by the collar. "I can and I will, dammit. You are the only person who can take over for Lexa. You're the only remaining Nightblood, you're her successor. So take. The damn. Job."

* * *

"So, you're commander now, hm?" Raven asked, eyeing Cress briefly. It was Clarke's orders to keep an eye on the grounder woman, as Clarke had business to attend to and she didn't trust Cress. "You really couldn't stand your ground against an eighteen year old, huh?"

Cress didn't answer, instead busied herself with fiddling with one of Raven's metallic tools, a wrench. Every now and then, Cress would look up at Raven, who was busy working on something; her brow furrowed in concentration. Cress found the look to be rather cute, but realizing she found her abductor cute caused a blush to creep onto her features, and she immediately looked down.

"So, you're from Shadow Valley?"

"I was born there, yes," Cress said, looking up to find that Raven was watching her. Cress moved to slip a piece of parchment from a loop on her belt, bringing it to Raven. She spread it out atop a counter, moving so Raven could read.

"You... you've mapped out the entire continent?" Raven asked, looking up at Cress in awe and disbelief.

"This isn't the entire continent," Cress admitted, smoothing the paper down and placing rocks on the corners to keep it down. She cleared her throat, "It's an old map of what this place used to be, some place called America. But, you see, the Shadow Valley is here." Her index finger landed on a plot of land from long ago places such as a state called Georgia, South Carolina, and a bit of North Carolina. "But, I have mapped out the clans upon it. You see, along the everything west of Trishana and Igranrona-" She cut off when she realized that Raven knew very little Trigedasleng, "Trishana is the Glowing Farmer, Igranrona is the land of the Plains Riders. But, uh, everything west of those borders... is unknown. No one has ever ventured beyond that point,"

"Why not?" Raven asked, frowning. Cress realized that Raven was pressed against Cress's side, staring up at her. Raven's features had contorted to form a confused yet interested look, her eyes burrowing into Cress's, begging for answers.

"No one knows what's beyond there. From what I tried to venture, it was mostly sand and desert. Maybe there's more. I don't know." Cress explained, straightening her posture a little. "But, uh, Shadow Valley.. it's a nice place."

"I've never been there before, but I'll take your word for it."

"Maybe I'll take you some day," Cress offered, studying Raven's dark eyes. Raven seemed to be studying Cress as well.

"I guess we'll see, hm?" Raven said softly, to which Cress offered a nod.

The device on Raven's belt crackled, so the brunette grabbed it and brought it to her face. "Raven," Clarke's voice crackled from the walkie-talkie, "Bring Cress to me. I'm at Camp Jaha, I have the A.I., and it's time."

Cress sucked in a deep breath as Raven answered, "Will do, Griffin." Raven's dark eyes found Cress's. "Nervous?"

"A little. What's the A.I.?" Cress asked as Raven grabbed a few things and headed out.

"It's a chip, we're gonna put it in your neck." Raven said, rather matter-of-factly. "But, uh, don't worry. You know that weird horse you were riding?"

"Anik?"

"If that's its name, yeah. We, uh, well.. he's here."

"'It' is a he," Cress paused, "He is? Why?"

"Well, he kinda followed the truck, so yeah. Your insect horse is here."

"He's not an 'insect horse'. He is simply mutated." Cress said as Raven led her outside. Raven didn't argue as she watched Cress approach the stallion, wrapping her arms around his ebony neck. She inhaled the scent of horse, squeezing her blue eyes shut. "Come, lead me to your Camp Jaha,"

* * *

Cress's hands held tight to the reins of Anik as they galloped across the terrain, the land disappearing behind them. Raven and her horse were ahead, leading Cress and Anik through the vast and mighty trees above them. They had left that afternoon, but the sun was beginning to set and the sky was growing dark. Cress did not question Raven's knowledge on the whereabouts of this Camp Jaha, but it was growing late and it was getting cold. Why hadn't Clarke sent for them at an earlier time? The thoughts ran through Cress's mind as they rode, but she noticed that Raven had stopped and had pulled the white stallion she rode to a halt.

"What's wrong?" Cress asked, but Raven shushed her. Cress could tell that Raven looked a bit nervous, but Cress wasn't sure what was wrong. "Raven, I-"

"Shh!" Raven held her hand up to Cress, but Raven was staring into the underbrush before her. Cress frowned, narrowing her eyes as she attempted to see into the underbrush. Something began to snarl, and Cress found a pair of bright orange eyes staring at them from the leaves and the dark. Cress's hand went straight to her falchion, which had been re-strapped to her leg- courtesy of Raven-, her fingers curling around the leather wrapped handle. For a moment, it was silent, then suddenly- as wild as a fire- some creature leaped from the underbrush. It startled the horses, knocking Cress from Anik's back as the stallion bolted and the same with Raven. Cress sucked in a breath as the creature leaped for Raven, instantly shoving herself to her feet and throwing herself at the animal. She knocked it away from the girl, but its focus was now on Cress.

"Run!" Cress screamed at Raven, hoping the girl would take the hint. Raven stumbled to her feet, limping towards the horses- who had bolted a measurable distance away. Cress screamed and attempted to shove the huge, hairy beast off of her, but its claws were beginning to sink into her flesh and draw blood. Cress screamed, and did the only thing natural to her- she sank her teeth into the beast's shoulder. It let out a guttural scream, shoving itself away from Cress. It lingered about four feet from the woman, its shoulder torn and bleeding from where Cress had bitten it. Upon a closer inspection; Cress realized she had never seen a creature or anything like this. It had a box-shaped face that resembled a lion's (Cress had seen a lion once in a story book), but it had a thin and lithe body like an otter's and rather short, stocky legs; however, the beast was about half the size of a horse. Its claws dug into the soft ground, its teeth stained with Cress's blood. The beast went to lunge, but there was a loud bang and it hit the ground at a somersault, rolling onto its side. It remained still. Cress stayed where she was, her chest heaving.

"Cress! Cress, oh my God, you're bleeding!" Raven knelt beside her, inspecting the gashes that had torn into Cress's ribs. The beast's claws had laid Cress's side open to the bone.

"S'okay," Cress muttered, "I'm fine." She pushed herself woozily to her feet, using Raven as something to hold herself upright with.

"What the hell is _that_?" Raven demanded, staring at the beast. She had shot it with a tranquilizer dart, good enough to take ten reapers down.

"I have no idea." Cress said, "But.. but I've never seen one of those before. We'd better take it to your Camp Jaha."


	3. Out of Hell

_Change is at the very core of evolution,_

 _and without it,_

 _all creatures would look alike and behave the same._

* * *

Cress's bright eyes studied the pacing creature that lay behind the thick glass of the containment unit. Clutched in her hand was a leather-bound book, its parchment pages blank, and she was furiously sketching the form of the beast and all of its aspects. It offered a low growl and a swish of its thick, catty tail. Cress felt rather sick, but she paid no mind to that as she gingerly touched her bandaged side. Clarke had done some fine handiwork by stitching her up, and the bandaging had been Raven's doing, but Cress was still thankful. She knew it would take some time to heal, but she didn't mind. After all, the healing of her side would prolong the installation of the A.I. in her mind and give her some time to study the creature before her. With a grunt, Cress sat down in front of the glass; the creature seeming to mirror her behaviors as it, too, sat on its haunches, its tail lashing back and forth as its beady yellow eyes locked onto Cress's.

"Fascinating," Cress murmured as she scribbled a few notes on the page.

"Didn't know you could draw."

Cress looked up to see Raven standing beside her, her hand on her hip as she inspected Cress's artwork. Cress felt a low blush creep onto her cheeks, which she hid rather well. "I suppose I'm not bad at it, but yes. I can draw." She said, smiling up at Raven. "What brings you here, skaigada?"

"Okay, I've heard you say that before. What does it mean?" Raven asked, sitting beside Cress, eyeing the beast cautiously.

"Skaigada?" Cress asked the mechanic, who nodded in response. "'Skaigada' means 'sky girl'."

"Hah. Clever. Because I fell from the sky, right?"

"It is indeed. Are you smirking at me, Reyes?" Cress asked, raising her chin. The gesture was purely playful, as was the gleam in her eyes. Raven chuckled softly, offering the commander-to-be a roll of her eyes.

"You sound like someone I used to know." Raven told her, chuckling softly, with a shake of her head.

"Oh? Who?" Cress asked, curious.

"He was someone special to me," Raven admitted.

"Are you comparing me to a male?"

"He was my boyfriend." Raven said before Cress could continue.

"Was? Past tense? What happened?" Cress was sitting so that she was facing Raven now, the beast at the back of her mind.

"He died." Raven said simply, as if she had gone over the thought of this male dying over and over again- with a simple reality and acceptance, though there was a rather sad tinge to it.

"Oh. I... I am sorry to hear that." Cress offered Raven a sympathetic nod. She had never been one to be able to comfort others after they had lost someone or something, it just made Cress feel awkward and sad herself.

"He slaughtered an entire village.. and Lexa condemned him to death by a thousand cuts." Raven said quietly. Cress swallowed, unaware what to say to Raven to try and make her feel better. Cress had once lost someone to the death by a thousand cuts as well. Hesitantly, Cress placed a hand on Raven's shoulder, who in return simply pressed herself against the grounder's side and remained silent.

"I am truly sorry," Cress told her, "I lost someone I cared about to the same trial."

"Who?" Raven's question was quiet, feeble.

"My father." Cress replied simply. "I came from a poorer family, which was why I was never discovered as a Nightblood. My father, he... he loved to make bets. Squander our money, try and win games that he knew to be rigged. Eventually, it changed him. One day he just snapped, killed two from our village including our mother. My sister and I tried to help him, but only because we thought he had been attacked. My father was charged with the death penalty, and my sister and I were exiled."

Raven grabbed the grounder's hand, frowning. "I'm sorry."

Cress only offered a sad, lopsided smile. "I am, too."

They sat in silence for a long while; Raven was staring at the beast, Cress was staring at Raven. The grounder admired the brunette, who hadn't noticed that the commander-to-be was watching her anyways. Cress didn't mind the silence, nor did she mind sitting with Raven like this. She couldn't help but admit that she felt a pull to the mechanic, that there was something alluring about the woman; however, Cress couldn't put her finger on it. After nearly ten minutes, Raven finally glanced over at Cress. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Raven asked, her voice soft.

Cress hesitated, feeling as though her mouth was going dry, her heart racing against her chest. Her reply came as a soft whisper, "Because you're beautiful."

Cress could see the blush work its way onto Raven's features, but Raven was not given time to respond. Instead, that was when Clarke approached, a worried look on her face. "What is that thing?"

"I'm sure we told you that we aren't sure," Cress said, standing. Her moment with Raven was not forgotten, only set aside for the moment. "I believe it came from the Unknown."

"The Unknown?" Clarke asked, her hands on her hips. "You do intend to tell me what this 'Unknown' is, right?"

* * *

"Everything beyond this point is the Unknown," Cress began explanation, looking up at the sky people who were listening to her intently. She had spread out the map she carried upon the wall, and was using one of Raven's wrench handles as a pointer, tracing the outline of the western borders of the Glowing Forest and the terrain of the Plains Riders. "We've never gone beyond these borders out of the fear of the unknown. It's always kept us confined to the eastern parts of the continent."

"Okay, so you've been here for about one hundred years... and you've never gone further than that?" A sky person asked, incredulous. He was tall, stocky, and had an unruly mop of dark hair and oddly cruel-yet-passionate eyes.

"That is what I said, isn't it?" Cress asked coolly, tilting her head to the side. "There are beasts far beyond there.. my sister and I, before she joined Lexa's side, we attempted to venture beyond that point; however, it was all for not."

"What happened?" The same man asked, quirking an eyebrow as he leaned back a bit, his arms folded over his chest.

"We were attacked by something," Cress said, rummaging around for her leather-bound book. She flipped to the page where she had sketched the creature that had ambushed she and her sister. To the sky people, it looked almost like a dinosaur from a book except its head was a bit too block-like, and the bone spikes running along its back, eye ridges, and jaw were too unreal. The claws were sharper than a grounder's blade, and its feet appeared to have the flexibility and characteristics of a raptor's talon.

"You're shitting me, right? Pulling our legs?" The man asked.

"Bellamy, it doesn't look too far off. I mean, there's giant water snakes, too." Clarke said, putting a hand on the man's forearm. "Did you see any other creatures?"

"If only." Cress said, giving a shake of her head. "I wish I had, they're rather fascinating... but we had no time. It nearly killed my sister and I, we are lucky we escaped." She chewed on her lip. "I'm guessing that the beast that attacked Miss Reyes and I has come from the Unknown, but I'm unsure as to why it ventured all this way."

"So what do you propose?" Clarke asked, eyeing the next heda.

"I propose that you fit me with your A.I., Skaiheda," Cress responded, lifting her chin. "My time has come."


	4. Parabol

_Reaching out to embrace the random,_

 _reaching out to embrace whatever may come._

* * *

The room Clarke made Cress wait in was tiled white, though the surface is a bit grimy and tinged with some rust. Cress's shirt has been torn down the back, but that was only to allow the surgeons to do their work to insert the A.I., which was making Cress rather nervous. She knew that she wasn't ready for the responsibility of Heda, but she also knew that Clarke was right- the grounders and sky people alike needed a ruler, and it was obvious that Cress was the only person who could do the job. Cress also knew that many people would challenge her and her authority, and she'd have to answer in duels and riddles and fights; however, the responsibility of being Commander was overwhelming as well. Cress had no idea how many people were in all of the clans, but she knew that the number was higher than she'd ever be able to count. All of those people would become her responsibility after this.

"You don't have to do this now, you know." Raven said, frowning softly as the grounder clutched her hand. "You could wait until you're better."

"Waiting does nothing for me or my people, Reyes.." Cress said quietly.

"That's a rather vast mindset change, you know." Raven said, glancing down at the woman who had been left to lie on her stomach in wait for Clarke and Abby to return in order to insert the A.I. into Cress's neck. "Just this morning you were saying that 'your people' didn't need you."

"I know what I said." Cress told her with a shaky breath, "But something tells me I have to do this, Raven. I... I don't know what it is."

"It's your conscious. Maybe your intuition. You're pretty smart." Raven suggested.

"You hardly know me." Cress stated, glancing up at the brunette.

"Yet you asked me to hold your hand during the procedure." Raven smirked. "It seems like you want to get to know me, hm?"

Cress closed her eyes, exhaling. "Maybe. I don't know."

"Well, that's all well and good for you, Cressida... but I don't think I'll get too attached." Raven's words were a bit dark, grave. "Bad things happen in this world when you get attached."

Cress pondered the woman's words, her blue eyes looking up into Raven's. "Bad things happen to us, skaigada. But we learn. We move on."

"Maybe you're right." Raven said, "But still, I'm taking precautions when it comes to-" ( _to you_ ) - "-to love." Cress pondered Raven's words, but remained quiet. She allowed her eyes to shut, trying to soothe herself with some deep breathing. She heard the metallic doors slide open and a group of people walk in. Lifting her gaze, she found that the footsteps came from Clarke, Clarke's mother- Abby-, Bellamy, and a few other people that Cress had not yet seen.

"Are you ready, Cressida?"

"'Cress' will suffice, and yes." Cress murmured, taking in a shaky breath. She felt Raven gently squeeze her hand in reassurance, letting the next commander know that she was there and Cress was okay. Cress felt a gloved hand rub a cool gel substance over the back of her neck, which in no time allowed Cress's skin to become numb. But Cress still felt the pressure of the knife as it slit into her skin, and the warmth of her blood on the back of her neck. Something hot was pressed onto the incisions to cauterize the wound, and Cress shivered lightly. Raven was kneeling beside her now.

"You okay?" Raven asked, but Cress only gave a low whine as a reply.

"Now inserting the A.I..." Clarke murmured, and Cress let out a guttural scream as a burning pain ripped through her being. Suddenly, her world turned back.

* * *

 _"Ah. So, you're the next Heda, hm?" The 'world' Cress saw was a black, empty plain. There is nothing or anyone with her other than a tall, stoic woman with shocking green eyes and a slight smirk._

 _"I... I suppose so." Cress dropped to her knees at the sight of commander Lexa. "But, heda-"_

 _"-Lexa to you. You are Heda now."_

 _"-Lexa, sorry.." Cress cleared her throat. "Lexa, aren't you dead?"_

 _Lexa offered a chuckle, walking towards the woman. "This is the dreamscape, Cressida. The A.I. has imprinted my mind onto itself, as well as the other commanders. We will guide you, advise you. We will come to you when you need us."_

 _"The dreamscape, huh?" Cress tasted the idea, curious and intrigued._

 _"The dreamscape." Lexa confirmed. "Now, I need you to do something for me."_

 _"What's that?" Cress asked, curious._

 _"Cress, wake up."_

* * *

"Cress! Wake up!"

Cress shot upwards, her mind reeling and fuzzy. "Hn?! Wha-?!"

"Holy fuck," Raven exhales, obviously relieved. "You blacked out for like three minutes. Are you okay?!"

"S'okay.. s'okay.. I'm okay," Cress mumbles, but Raven's already hugging Cress into a tight, crushing embrace.

"You scared the shit out of me, don't do that again!" Raven told her, glaring. Cress looks around to see Clarke peeling some bloody gloves off of her hands.

"Well, you'll definitely survive." Clarke told Cress, glancing over at Cress. "But I would suggest relaxing for a few days while you heal."

"Sounds like a plan," Cress murmured, realizing how dry her throat was. "Didn't have any plans, anyway."

"Hm. Well. You seem rather close to Raven, I would suggest staying with her. That way if something something goes wrong, Raven can get a hold of me. Deal?" Clarke said, approaching them.

"Yeah, no problem, I'll watch over the Heda." Raven nodded, helping Cress to her feet. Cress leaned against Raven tiredly, her eyelids drooping. Cress wasn't sure where Raven led her then, nor was she truly concerned as to where they were headed. She was simply exhausted, burnt out, and sore. When Cress's mind was not as fuzzy, she realized that Raven had lowered her onto a cot and was checking on Cress's wounds. "I'm not as good as Clarke with this," the mechanic admits, "but I'm trying my best. After all, looks like you're stuck with me tonight."

Cress didn't respond, either too tired or she wasn't able to find the words. She simply rolled onto her back when Raven was finished, feeling a bit sick. Raven simply sat beside her, and they both were silent until Cress drifted into oblivion.


	5. Parabola

_I'm a slave to all these voices in my head_

 _and I'm afraid they'll walk with me to the end_

* * *

Cress slightly jolted awake, but when she opened her eyes; everything was dark, and Raven was sleeping beside her. Blinking away her confusion, she looked down at the sleeping form. She didn't recall why she was here, or with Raven, but slowly she began to remember that Clarke had ordered Raven to stay with her; however, knowing the truth behind Raven's presence wasn't enough to keep the red tint in Cress's cheeks at bay. Cress didn't know how long she watched Raven, studying her form, before she stood up, hissing quietly at the river of pain that flowed slowly down her spine. Cress ignored the pain after a while and pushed on, creeping out of Raven's bunk room in the Arkadia housing levels and made her way to where the beast was being kept. Cress made sure to keep quiet, her footsteps soft and almost inaudible. She prayed that the sound would stay that way. Soon, she found herself seated before the beast. Cress's crystalline eyes stared into the beast's. The beast's sun-like orbs stared straight back. Cress, however, was not unnerved. She raised her chin at the beast, a sign of dominance, who snarled and pushed itself to its feet as its tail lashed from side to side. Cress still did not move. It began to pace back and forth in its cage, its beady eyes still stuck on the grounder who had beaten it.

"You do not threaten me," Cress told it, her chin still raised, "Yu gonplei ste odon. Ba, yu tombom dula laud. Ste yuj, gonplei kom ai en yu na ste kig'ron."

"Are you conversing with an animal?" Cress nearly jumped when Clarke spoke, as she had thought the woman to hopefully be asleep by now.

"Yes," Cress admitted, "I am. You speak Trigedasleng?"

"Of course I do." Clarke said, standing beside Cress. "I had to when Lexa..."

"When Lexa was alive?" Cress asked, earning a nod from the woman. "You are Skaiheda. I can see why she loved you,"

"You remind me of her, you know." Clarke admitted, glancing at Cress. "You have that same stubborn look in your eyes."

"I am not stubborn, skaigada." Cress said, earnest.

"Lexa said that, too." Clarke offered a small smile. Cress realized it was the first time she had ever seen Clarke smile, though she had only been around these people for a couple of days. "I heard you call Raven 'skaigada' as well. Any particular reason?"

"She is female, she came from the sky. Is that not reason enough?" Cress asked, turning her gaze to the animal. "Triripa. We shall call them Triripas."

Clarke looked over at Cress, quirking an eyebrow, "That translates to 'tree reapers'."

"I know." Cress said simply. "Look at his form. His claws are perfect for climbing, and his legs are rather powerful. He almost has the paws of a squirrel, but magnified in size. As for the reaper part, they're rather vicious."

Clarke only offered a nod as to the name of the beast. "When do you plan to return to Polis in order to announce your regime?"

"The day after tomorrow, perhaps." Cress admitted. "I don't think I'm ready to travel yet with my wounds. This beast gave me a nasty one in my side, and as for the A.I., I need to get used to it. I can... feel it, I suppose."

"Hm. Well, when you go I will go with you since I am Skaikru's ambassador. Is that alright?"

Cress offered a nod, "Go ahead and come along. I do not mind,"

"Yes, well.. you might want to return to bed. The guards patrol around this time." Clarke said, standing.

Cress watched Clarke go, but Cress lingered for a few more moments. She eyed the monster for quite a bit longer, but soon she pushed herself to her feet and ventured back to Raven's room. The woman was still asleep, so Cress- out of curiosity mostly- curled into the woman's back, draping an arm over Raven's waist. It seemed natural, and it didn't wake Raven, so Cress drifted off into bliss.

* * *

In the morning, Cress awoke to a certain mechanic nuzzling her face into Cress's neck; a leg draped over her own legs, and a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist. Cress instantly felt the heat rising to her cheeks as her sleepy mind tried to piece together a reaction suitable to the situation. Cress simply took the moment to appreciate the situation, hesitantly brushing a few strands of hair from Raven's tan face. When that didn't wake the mechanic up, Cress pressed a hesitant kiss to the woman's forehead and gently untangled herself. Cress's heart was beating a mile a minute as she slipped out of the door. She found herself heading to the stables, looking for Anik. She finally found the stallion placed next to Raven's horse, nickering and snuffling at Cress, searching for treats. Cress handed over an apple she'd conned from a marketplace, watching the horse crunch away on it. She snatched a bristle brush from the tack room and slipped inside, combing through the horse's mucky fur.

Cress admired the rippling muscles beneath the horse's velvety skin, admiring the structure the mutant held with its two sets of front legs. Cress prided herself on Anik's six legs being fully functional and Anik being impressively strong. When she was a child, Cress had once found a book concerning horses; and since her father was a horse breeder and a farmer, though he wasn't too successful, Cress had memorized all of the old classifications. She believed that Anik was a Friesian, or at least had the roots of one. But, nonetheless, he was a beautiful horse. Cress hummed softly as she continued to brush Anik, unaware of the eyes on her.

"Cressida,"

Cress instantly looked up, finding Raven standing on the other side of the stall door. Cress approached her, wiping her dusty hands on her pants. "Raven."

"Cress, you're leaving tomorrow?" Raven suddenly asked, looking rather angry at Cress's decision.

Cress gave a hesitant nod. "Yes, Reyes. I'm leaving tomorrow. I must announce my reign as Heda to the other clans." Raven didn't seem to be too happy about Cress leaving, and she placed her hands on her hips to let Cress know about her displeasure. Cress sighed, "Look, Raven, you've known me for two days. Two. That's not enough to get sentimental about."

"Cress, I felt you kiss me this morning. Obviously you feel something." Raven said, frowning.

"I.. I didn't kiss you." Cress said. "I kissed your forehead, it was an innocent gesture."

"Was it, Cressida? Is that all it was?" Raven demanded.

Cress ran a hand through her locks, closing her eyes. "I don't know, Reyes! I don't know, okay?" She exited Anik's stall, shutting the door behind her.

"You don't know, huh?" Raven asked, following Cress, her arms folded over her chest. "You just don't know?"

"That's what I said." Cress told her, her teeth clenched. "Look, Raven, you're nice and all... but I don't know how I feel, alright? Last time I felt something for someone it didn't end well."

"Um, hello? My boyfriend was murdered, Cressida. I know that things don't always end well. I know, okay? But how do you just _not know_ how you feel?" Raven demanded, snatching Cress's arm that wasn't wounded. She pulled the Heda around, forcing the woman to face her.

"I just don't, Reyes, okay?" Cress said, glaring at her. "I don't do well with people. I don't explore my feelings. Feelings make us weak, Reyes."

"You sound like Lexa, Cressida. I know that this isn't you. You aren't like this." Raven said, her grip tightening a little. "You're right, Cress, it's only been two days. I barely know you, but maybe I want to know you, okay?"

"Why, Reyes? Why do you want to know me, huh?" Cress demanded. She felt cornered, forced. She did care about Raven, but she didn't know how to cope with this. She didn't cope well with feelings, having never really been able to express them- especially after what had happened with her past lover, Caira. The thought made her shiver briefly as she waited for Raven's answer. Raven seemed to be thinking, debating almost, but almost from nowhere Raven snatched Cress by the collar of her cape, smashing her lips against Cress's. Cress inhaled sharply, her eyes widening to the size of small moons, but she didn't resist. Hesitantly, she even felt herself deepening the kiss, kissing the girl back. When they finally broke apart, Cress almost felt as though she was seeing Raven in a different way. She noticed things now that she hadn't seen before, such as the intensity and willpower in the woman's obsidian eyes.

"You, uh..." Cress didn't know what to say.

"I will find you later. And we're going to do something." Raven told her, pressing a second kiss to Cress's lips- which was over as soon as it had happened. "You'd better have something nice in mind." Cress, silent, watched Raven go- unaware of what to say or do, afraid she'd begin to stammer or freak out if she spoke.

* * *

Cress waited nervously in Raven's room, wondering if Raven had been serious about coming to get Cress. Though Clarke believed it was stupid, she had retrieved some of Lexa's old clothes- rather reluctantly as well- for Cress to wear. They were nicer clothes, but also still allowed Cress to be mobile and were obviously made for combat. Cress didn't know much about Lexa, but she could tell that the woman liked to be able to be ready when or if she needed to fight. Cress appreciated the fact that the clothing items were loose and rather comforting. Cress cleared her throat and began to pace, growing rather anxious. What if Raven didn't show up? That was silly, of course she would, and why did Cress care? She hardly knew Raven, she shouldn't care if the woman showed up or not. Besides, Cress was Heda. The Heda was not supposed to be involved with others, which was a rather hypocritical piece of advice from Clarke- though Cress knew that the blonde meant well.

"Dison laik son swima op ona rein," Cress murmured, though she hoped it wasn't true. No one had seen Raven that day, including Clarke, and the thought made Cress a bit queasy. She didn't like not knowing when things would or would not happen, and she didn't think it was fair for Raven to make Cress wait like this. Cress sucked in a shaky breath and sat on the cot, tapping her steel-toed boots against the tiled floor. Finally, the door slid open and Cress shot to her feet. Raven's appearance actually startled Cress a bit, though not in a bad way. Raven's hair had been styled in a grounder-ish way, not too different from Cress's golden locks, which were woven into intricate braids and made sure that there wasn't a single strand in her face. She wore a warrior's jacket, a worn leather cloak lined with the fur of a bear, and a pair of torn jeans; though, Cress knew that it was also a type of courting dress but she wasn't sure how or where Raven had learned that.

"Well, say something," Raven said, raising her chin. "I didn't ask Clarke and Octavia to style me up for you just so you could stand there and gawk around."

"I, uh," Cress swallowed a blockage in her throat. "You look beautiful."

Cress's comment allowed a smirk to creep onto Raven's features. "Tell me about it," She turned on her heels, exiting, but she turned to face Cress before she left the doorway. "C'mon, Cressida,"

Cress followed immediately. "So, uh, where are we headed?"

"I think I told you to come up with that, didn't I?" Raven asked, turning around. They were inches apart, and Cress wanted to kiss her- especially when Raven ran her fingertips underneath Cress's chin. She then snatched Cress's hand, leading her towards the horses. Raven had already gotten someone to saddle up Anik and her own horse, Storm. "You lead, I'll follow."

Cress nodded, boosting Raven onto Storm's back before pulling herself into Anik's saddle. Cress knew just the place to take Raven to, she just hoped she remembered how to get there. She glanced over at the mechanic, offering a smile, then said, "I hope you can keep up."


	6. Breaking the Silence

_Is it you I want_

 _or just the notion of_

 _a heart to wrap around_

 _so I can find my way around_

* * *

They sat together, side by side, their legs dangling over the ledge that led to the crashing waves below their boots. The sunset was nearing, tinging the blue sky with oranges, yellows, and purples. Cress leaned back slightly, propping herself up on her elbows, the grass brushing against her skin. Raven was sitting upright, her hands clasped together in her lap as she admired the view, the reflection of her admiration clear in her obsidian eyes. Cress tilted her head, watching the woman carefully, studying her. Cress studied the tint in Raven's olive skin, the slight curls in her hair, the way her cheek ticked slightly when she moved to smile. Raven was not as bulky or stocky as Cress- who was nearly five inches taller, and rather bulky for her gender. Well, perhaps bulky wasn't the correct word. Cress was rather muscular, and it was obvious; though, not as obvious as it would be on a male. Cress found her gaze lingering on the woman's injured leg and the device attached to it. "You walk with a limp, skaigada. Why?" She asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

Raven quirked an eyebrow at the question, turning her face to look Cress in the eyes. "You want to know?" She asked. Cress nodded, a bit intrigued. Raven sighed and leaned back a bit, drawing the leg that wasn't injured inwards towards herself. "Well, you see, when we got here there was this guy with us. His name's Murphy, but I doubt you've met him. Anyways, he's an asshole and he went berserk when it was just us few. I decided to be a hero, y'know, and.. well, I got shot. When the bullet was removed, I lost the use of my left leg." Raven frowned. Cress listened, sitting up straighter. "And when I was taken by Mount Weather, they drilled me, Cress. It hurt like hell, and..." Raven didn't finish her sentence, her chin quivering, her gaze angrily burning into the ground. The sight broke Cress's heart.

"Skaigada," She said, lacing her fingers with Raven's, "Do not cry, strik-won. You are strong, yuj bilaik maun." She gently lifted Raven's chin to make the girl look at her. Raven sighed and leaned against Cress, their foreheads pressed together, Cress's fingers gently supporting Raven's chin. They stayed like that as the salty tears ran down Raven's face, her eyes squeezed shut. Cress allowed Raven her silence, and the two simply sat and exchanged breaths. After a while, Raven took the hand that supported her face in both of her own hands, examining the calloused palm and the long, tanned fingers.

"You're gonna tell me what that means, right?" She asked, her voice a bit hoarse.

Cress offered a tiny smile, "It means 'strong like mountain'. I shall teach you Trigedasleng, it will make things easier for you."

The corners of Raven's lips quirked into a small smile, "I'd like that." They sat in silence a bit longer before Raven pushed up Cress's sleeve, admiring the swirling tattoos that crisscrossed and twined together. "Is there a meaning to this?" She asked, curious, as her fingers traced over the lines and the veins and muscle of Cress's arm. The grounder glanced down, and shrugged.

"It was the tattoo my father had. When he died, my sister and I got them to honor his name." Cress explained.

"Tell me their names," Raven said, looking up to meet Cress's eyes.

"My mother's name was Naomi," Cress began, "My father's name Razeil, and my sister's name was Calista. And what about your family?"

"My family is a... touchy subject." Raven said, "Let's leave it at that."

Cress nodded, not wanting to press any further. "The stars will be out soon," She murmured, lying on her back. "When I was young, my family would go watch them on a hilltop like this one, but there was no ocean."

Raven mirrored Cress's actions, resting on her back- her face angled up to the sky. "I grew up surrounded by the stars, you know."

"Yes," Cress whispered, "I know." She grabbed Raven's hand again, lacing their fingers. Raven gently squeezed Cress's hand, her free hand draped over her stomach. "I will miss you, you know that, right?"

"Miss me?" Raven asked, looking over at her.

Cress nodded, "Yes, you, the mechanic." She sighed, closing her eyes. "I am sorry that I must go."

Raven sidled up next to her, sitting up slightly, moving to mess with the locks of Cress's hair. "I'll come to visit, don't worry." She murmured, "Besides, I'm sure Clarke will need me there sometimes. After all, I'm the best mechanic there is."

"Arrogant," Cress said, smiling up at the woman, her word playful. Raven chuckled softly, moving so that she sat atop Cress's stomach.

"I'm not arrogant, I just have a lot of self confidence."

"I'm sure you do, Reyes." Cress said as she propped herself up slightly with her elbows, examining Raven's face. Raven chuckled softly, pressing their foreheads together again. Cress allowed her eyes to close, smiling lightly. She was, for the moment, content. After a while, Cress finally leaned up and connected their lips, causing Raven to cup the Commander's face in her hands and mold herself into Cress's larger form. One kiss turned into two, then four, then six. It was a gentle moment, painted with innocence. Cress wanted it to be like this forever, but she knew that would never happen.

"We'll have to go soon," Raven said softly, gently brushing loose strands of hair from Cress's eyes. "You'll have to leave in the morning."

"I know," Cress said softly.

* * *

The sun had long set when they returned to Arkadia, the air deathly still. Cress could've cut the silence with a knife it was so thick, and it made her anxious. Silence meant bad things usually. They settled the horses in the stable where they belonged, nodding towards the guards who were on duty. They eyed Cress suspiciously, but said nothing regarding her appearance. The cold of the night was beginning to set in, thus causing Cress to lend Raven her cloak as they walked, the cold, gentle breezes kissing Cress's skin until they reached the warmth of the Ark station. The clicking of their feet against the metallic floor resonated throughout the building as Raven led Cress back to her bunk. Once there, Raven sat the Commander down, checking her wounds.

"You're lucky, you know." Raven said as she re-bandaged Cress's side.

"How so, skaigada?" Cress asked, ignoring the pain that shot through the scarring wounds.

"You could've died. But, you didn't." Raven said simply, "I could've lost you."

"Would you of cared at the time?"

"That's a good question." Raven said, sitting beside Cress now. "Maybe. Maybe not. I don't think about death much,"

"I do." Cress murmured. "I do not wish to die."

Raven offered a sad half-smile. "Some do."

"Do you?"

"Not anymore," Raven said. "But, that's enough chit chat for tonight. It's late." She said, pushing Cress onto her back. The Commander rolled her eyes, pulling Raven into her arms.

"This is okay, right?" She asked, watching the woman's facial features for any sign of displeasure.

"This is okay," Raven confirmed softly.

* * *

Cress woke before sunrise. In her arms, Raven was still sleeping; her head resting against Cress's chest, her breathing slow and steady. Cress yawned quietly, kissing the mechanic's forehead before she kissed her lips, gently untangling herself from Raven so that she could make Raven comfortable without waking her. Cress went to grab her cape, but hesitated and instead tucked it into Raven's arms.

"Leidon, skaigada," Cress murmured.


	7. What Lies Beneath

_You don't have to like me_

 _but you're gonna respect me._

 **[Just a heads up: in this fanfic, Pike is not dead. You will figure out why later ;) ]**

* * *

The ride had been a long one, taking Cress and her crew until noon to arrive at Polis- even though they had left at dawn. By the time they arrived, Polis was bustling with life and rigor; vendors chattering, people walking, and children playing with one another. Cress looked around nervously, chewing on her lip. She already missed Raven's presence, and the large group of people she would have to face did not calm her nerves. Clarke led Cress towards a rather large building, the same one that they had found Clarke in on that first day, and straight up to the guards.

"Disha ste oso au nes heda," Clarke told the guards, who eyed Cress before giving a brief nod. The stepped aside to let Cress's party pass. Clarke looked over at Cress, "We'll have to fit you into something bold. The ambassadors will be here soon. Are you nervous?"

Cress offered a half smile. "Me? Nervous? The Heda doesn't get nervous, Yuj-won."

Clarke quirked an eyebrow at Cress's statement, leading her to the lift- which, fortunately, had been fixed. "Wait here," Clarke instructed the others- which consisted of Octavia, Bellamy, two girls that Cress had not yet learned the names of (though she believed she had heard Clarke calling them Harper and Zoe), and a guy named Miller. At that point, the lift had begun to move. They rode in silence for some time, Cress looking around as she tried to take in the size of the building; Clarke simply looking straight ahead, her face pulled into a blank, stoic expression. Then, after a while, Clarke spoke. "I'm sure there's something of Lexa's that will fit you. She was nearly your size, maybe a little smaller."

Cress offered a soft nod, "Thank you," She said. Clarke didn't respond, she only pulled Cress behind her when the lift had reached its final destination. Again, Cress found herself in the previous Heda's chambers, admiring the way it was set up. She could tell that commander Lexa had been rather organized, and she decided that if Lexa appeared to her again, she would speak to the woman about it and try to learn something. She sat back on the bed and watched Clarke root through some of Lexa's old belongings, murmuring soft words beneath her breath that Cress didn't understand. So, Cress simply watched and waited. Clarke pulled a dark shirt and a rather worn pair of torn leggings from a chest, draping them over an old chair.

"Did you forget your cape?" Clarke asked Cress, looking up at her.

"My cape? No, I did not forget it.. I.. left it behind. With Raven." Cress admitted, watching Clarke size her up.

There was a moment of silence, then, "Come here."

So, Cress approached the Flamekeeper, curious, just as Clarke took Cress's face in her hands and kissed her. The kiss they shared was not like the one Cress had shared with Raven where thousands of knowing, understanding words had been passed through the simple gesture; this kiss tasted of desperation and sorrow and longing. Yet Cress could not find the will to pull herself away. They pulled apart for a moment, simply to breathe, and in that moment Cress could read all the emotion in Clarke's aged eyes. Clarke leaned up and kissed her again, the need- or want- becoming more desperate; hungrier, more powerful.

"I... won't they miss us?" Cress asked, trying to weasel her way out of this. She did not have the heart to break Clarke, who had already lost the love of her life.

"They can wait." Was Clarke's quiet answer. The Flamekeeper pulled Cress on top of her, lying back on the bed. Unaware of what else to do, Cress gingerly molded her lips against Clarke's to try and appease her. Cress didn't know when Clarke began to peel off layers of clothing and cast them onto the floor, but suddenly there are hands that run along her back and chest and stomach, heeding the wounds she has and exploring the lines of scars and tattoos that have been earned over the years. Cress finds her own lips betraying her, exploring the docile woman beneath her's body, the sounds of moans and groans and the creaking of springs filling the room.

When they are done, Cress is sitting on the edge of the bed, the blanket pulled around her in order to conceal her bare form. Cress was frowning, deep in thought. Clarke tore her back to reality by brushing her fingers along the small of Cress's back. "I'm sorry,"

"No," Cress said, glancing back at her, "you aren't. You did what you thought was right."

"Sounds like something Lexa would say," Clarke murmured, sitting up. She rested her chin on Cress's shoulder, her movements and intentions gentle and innocent.

"What you do for me you do because of Lexa. You love Lexa, Clarke, not me." Cress said, turning to face Clarke. "But I am not Lexa, Clarke.. you must understand that. I.. I do not have feelings for you, Clarke. I am sorry. My heart, it belongs to another."

"Then why didn't you stop me?" Clarke demanded, standing.

Cress didn't look at her, too ashamed. "I do not know."

Clarke rubbed her eyes. "Get dressed, Commander. They're waiting for us." And with that, Clarke exited.

* * *

The clothes that Clarke had lain out for Cress were a bit small and tight, but they were better than nothing. Gathering her confidence and strength, Cress entered the room that held the ambassadors, making her way to the throne.

"Rise for the Heda," Clarke announced, her eyes on Cress. Cress only watched the throne, and when she was finally at her destination; she sat, crossing her legs. She held herself to a standard, now, knowing who she must be and who she must follow. "Commander Cress has ascended the throne." The ambassadors stood, respectively bowing their heads to Cress- all except one.

"Is there a problem, Skaikru?" Cress asked. Her tone was completely different, taking on a smooth, silky tone.

"Yes, there is." Charles Pike, Chancellor of the Sky People, said. He raised his chin in the manner that Cress did, as if in mockery. "How can we trust you? How do we know that you aren't another Ontari waiting to happen?"

"Do not compare me to a power hungry monster, Skaikru." Cress said, her voice lowering. "I am not here to harm, only to rebuild. I am here to follow in the footsteps of my predecessor, Lexa."

"Lexa? That's just what we need. Another Commander hellbent on weaseling into the pants of our women-"

"Excuse me, Ambassador of Skaikru, but I will not tolerate such allegations. I have been Commander a day, and you already accuse me of an allegation that is too serious to be said as lightly as you have." Cress told him, standing. She approached the man, her hands clasped behind her. "From what I have been told, Chancellor Pike, you attacked a group of peaceful grounders who were sent to protect you."

"Skaikru did not need protecting." Pike said simply.

"But didn't you? Clarke took the liberty of informing me that just the day before, thirty-five of your people were murdered under your command. Is that not true?"

"It is, but-"

"But this only proves that Skaikru needed assistance, that you had been made a target and needed protecting. Especially with hardly a thousand people, nowhere near large enough to defend yourselves against the army of Azgeda, who is now fortunately under the rule of King Roan."

"Yes, but-"

"There is no use in arguing, Chancellor Pike. If I must, I will remove you- Chancellor or not. Now, the first order of business- Clarke of the Sky People has been given the honor of becoming our new Flamekeeper. In her place, Skaikru will need a new ambassador."

"My first choice would be Bellamy Blake," Pike began, but Cress cut him off.

"No." She said simply. "I need someone I can trust. Someone I know. Raven Reyes is the one you need for the job,"

"Raven Reyes? The mechanic? I doubt she is qualified-"

"I do not tolerate doubters, Chancellor. I trust my wishes will be carried out." Cress said dismissively.

Pike set his jaw. "As you wish, _Commander._ " He hissed, folding his arms over his chest.


	8. Have Faith In Me

_I said I'd never let you go_

 _and I never did_

 _I said I'd never let you fall_

 _and I always meant it_

* * *

Every ounce of Cress's being was ecstatic. Her heart was racing with excitement as she paced the castle, her anxiety growing. It had been a whole two months since Cress had arrived at Polis, and slowly she was being accepted by her peers and followers. She'd gained attention and agreement from Azgeda, Shadow Valley, the Glowing Forest, and Broadleaf. She was slowly gaining acceptance from the Plains Riders as well, which was where her personal body guard- Aarin- had come from. Other clans remained a bit distance, but Cress's smooth talking was working its way along. She had helped construct a few trade routes, and she and the ambassadors were working on building a route to connect the clans as well as working on giving Skaikru its own land by taking reasonable portions of land from other clans- though, Cress made sure to discuss what lands would be taken from the neighboring clans. All of the Ambassadors and leaders would be within Polis that day to speak on some important issue that Orin, the leader of the Glowing Forest, had. But, that wasn't why Cress was excited. Cress was excited because that day was the day that Clarke would officially become the Flamekeeper- as she had finished studying the texts written by previous Keepers- and the day that Raven would take over as the Skaikru's ambassador. The first time Cress would see Raven in two months. A steady rain had set in, rolling off of the skyscraper and onto the concrete bellow; the townspeople taking precaution to shelter themselves from the rain. Cress, however, welcomed the rain and stood upon her balcony, watching the land in the horizon for any sign of Skaikru.

"I am sure they will arrive at any time, Heda," Aarin said, offering the Commander a small smile.

"I am worried, Aarin. It does not take this long to venture from Arkadia to Polis." Cress said, beginning to pace.

"Worrying will do nothing good, Heda," He cautioned, watching her. "Nor will pacing. I am sure they were simply caught up."

"Commander." A new voice, one Cress had been hearing quite often. "We must talk."

"Orin? I thought you were going to wait until the meeting to tell me whatever it was you were needing help with," Cress said, turning to face the leader of the Glowing Forest people.

"I was, but I fear the matter is growing larger." Orin said, folding his arms over his chest, his brows furrowed in worry. "Heda, three moons ago one of my villages was attacked. Every man, woman, and child died, Heda, and the village was burned to the ground." Cress furrowed her brow in confusion, but Orin continued. "Ari of the Plains Riders and Alvar of the Delphi have also had incidents like this, Heda. The western Plains and the northern Delphi areas have been attacked as well." Ari was someone Cress knew, as Ari was the first female leader of the Plains. As for Alvar, he had once spared the life of Cress's sister.

"Has the enemy been caught?" Cress asked, folding her arms over her chest.

"One man was captured, Ari is bringing him as a prisoner to the meeting." Orin told her. "He wears markings that we have never seen, Heda. He does not belong to any clan here. He preaches of beasts never heard of, things we have not seen."

Cress's eyes widened slightly. "Where was he found?"

"The outskirts of Ari's land." Orin informed Cress, giving a small bow of his head.

"Aarin," Cress said, looking at her guard, "Fetch Blythe, Dover, and Viper and bring them to the conference room. Orin, fetch the other ambassadors and their respective leaders. Skaikru better hurry, we must speak on behalf of this issue now."

* * *

Cress stood above the table where the map had been lain out, studying it intently. Around her, the ambassadors and leaders murmured softly among one another, their voices droning into a white noise that stung at Cress's ears.

"Who are they?"

"Where do they come from?"

"What do they want?"

Cress sucked in a deep breath, raising her gaze. "We do not know." She admitted, gripping the pommel of her falchion for emotional support. "This is the first time people like this has attacked any of our cities, but they seem to be targeting western areas- mostly towards the Unknown." Cress looked towards Ari, whose emerald eyes stared back. "I understand you captured one of them, Ari."

"Sha, heda," Ari said, giving a nod. "But I believe we should wait for Skaikru, should we not?"

Cress tapped the pommel of her sword lightly, biting at her lip. "Skaikru is missing. Why?" She looked towards the guards at the door. "Scout the area for Skaikru representatives. Bring them here if you find them."

"There's no need for that, Commander." Pike said as he entered the room, his head held high. Raven was behind him, her eyes locked onto Cress's- whose heart leaped with joy, but also was ridden with worry.

"You are late." Cress said, her tone becoming low. "Why?"

"Were you not aware of the downpour?" Pike asked, tilting his head slightly, accusingly.

"I was."

"Then you must know that it takes time to travel in weather as such, Commander." Pike said.

"Is that so, Chancellor? Then riddle me this: how is it that you are the only clan affected by the weather?" Cress asked, raising her chin slightly. Pike did not answer, though Cress knew the man had been late to try and prove some point. "Since you were not present, I shall clear things up for you: unknown enemies from the west have been moving into our land and attacking our villages. The Plains Riders have captured one of them, whom we are about to speak with. Ari, bring your prisoner."

"Gustav," Ari said to her ambassador, "Ge oso honon."

Gustav nodded and exited, and Cress was now aware of Clarke standing by her side- as well as Indra, the leader of Trikru, who had recently recovered from her injuries. Octavia, who would take Indra's place when she died, was beside her. Cress raised her chin and waited, though her eyes were on Raven. She wanted nothing more than to go to her, hug her, kiss her... She simply wanted to be at Raven's side. But, Cress knew that could wait. There were more pressing matters at hand than romance. Gustav finally pulled in a large, brawny man who stood a bit taller than anyone Cress had ever met. His features were cruel, his warpaint blue and smeared. His cold, cruel eyes locked onto Cress; but Cress was not afraid.

"Who are you, and why have you come?" She growled. The man spat at her feet. Cress didn't flinch.

"I am Mordgis," His voice was thick with some accent Cress had never heard before, mingling and mixing with the man's words, "of the Caesar's twelfth legion. We come to destroy,"

"Caesar? Is he your leader?" Cress pressed, her brow furrowing.

"Aye, the Caesar is coming for you and your land!" Mordgis spat, struggling against Gustav. Aarin and another guard went to restrain him, holding the warrior back. Cress approached the man, unafraid, studying his markings. She reached up, tearing the necklace from his neck. Mordgis's eyes became enraged. "That is not yours, _Heda_ ," He spat, mocking Cress's title.

Cress looked up into his cruel, evil eyes. "Aarin, you brought the scouts, correct?"

"Sha, heda," Aarin said, "Blythe, Dover, Viper, hir."

The three, who Cress had learned were triplets, approached from the shadows. They were the best trackers Polis had, not to mention wonderful with their work. She placed the necklace in Viper's hand, "Ge em," Cress murmured in Trigedasleng. "Report to us when you have found them."

* * *

Cress stood, speaking with the other leaders, towards the exit of the room. They were nervous, and Cress didn't blame them. She had ordered Aarin to take Mordgis to the prison cells until Cress could figure out what to do with him. "I see that Andvari is not here," Cress said to the Shadow Valley ambassador, Thoran.

"He sends his apologies, Heda. He could not make it," Thoran said, offering a slight bow.

"I am sure he couldn't." Cress said, her voice tinged with sarcasm.

"Heda."

Cress turned, now facing Pike. The man's features were set in some emotionless state, though Cress could see the hate behind his eyes. "Pike." She greeted, clasping her hands in front of her.

"We have brought your beast to you." Pike told her, "It is causing too much destruction and harm at Arkadia."

"Oh? What has it done?" Cress asked, genuinely concerned.

"It escaped, Commander, killed two of our finest men and wounded another."

"I am deeply sorry." Cress said, and she meant it. "I am sure we can find a place for it at Polis."

"That's not what I want, Commander." Pike told her, raising his chin. "I want it dead."

"No." Was Cress's immediate answer. "It poses great research value, besides, it could be domesticated."

"Are you hearing yourself?" Pike asked, incredulous. "You cannot domesticate it."

"Have you tried?"

"This is ridiculous, Commander. You know that."

"What is ridiculous is that people have lived on the other side of this land and we have not known for one hundred years." Cress said, raising her chin, "That you have lived in space for one hundred years, that we have survived for one hundred years. Domesticating an animal as we have done with dogs and horses is hardly ridiculous."

Pike glared at Cress, folding his arms over his chest. "What do you plan to do with it, Commander?"

"Use it to our advantage." Cress simply stated, glancing around. She no longer saw Raven, though she did see Clarke conversing with a few other ambassadors. "It's a strong creature, vicious. A war animal, perhaps."

"A war animal? Are you serious?"

"War is brewing, Chancellor. Do not be blind, you heard the prisoner." Cress said gravely. "They came to destroy, to assimilate our land into their own. Now, please, excuse me." She pushed past the man, approaching Clarke. "Skaiheda," She said, using the term as a nickname now, "Have you seen Raven?"

Clarke shook her head, "She headed out a while ago. But I'm sure you can find her around here somewhere, she wouldn't of gone far."

Cress found, but excused herself from the room. She glanced to her left and right, trying to decide which corridor to travel down first. She chose the right, her boots clicking against the tile floor as she walked along, rather concerned. "Heda!" Aarin yelled, jogging to her side. "Heda, hod op,"

"Aarin," Cress greeted with a nod of her head. "Have you seen Raven?"

Aarin offered a small nod, "She ventured outside, Heda. I saw her head towards the horses,"

"Mochof," Cress murmured, giving another nod. She headed towards the lift, her heart racing. Cress hoped Raven had not left, as it would shatter her and leave her broken. "Graun, beja," She told the man operating the lift. He moved aside for Cress to enter, and proceeded to lower the lift to the ground level. Cress grasped the pommel of her sword for support, pushing onward once the lift had reached the first level of the tower. "Beja, teik Raven ste hir." She murmured to herself. The mud squelched beneath her boots as she stepped outside, squinting to try and see through the rain. People moved to and fro, oblivious to the Heda and her plight. Cress pushed through them, occasionally being stopped to have some merchant attempt to sell her items or villagers simply wishing to talk. She would chat for some time, but then excuse herself. It took much longer than it should've to reach the stable.

"Raven? Skaigada?" Cress called out, feeling as though she would die if she did not see Raven. "Skaigada, laik yu hir?" No answer came, and Cress felt her heart stop and crawl into her throat. Raven couldn't of left so soon, could she of? She headed towards the back of the stable, the excess rainwater that had collected on her shoulders and hair dripping off of her. Aarin had been wrong, Raven was not inside the stable, which greatly disappointed Cress. Sighing, she exited the building after greeting Anik with a gentle pat. She headed back towards the skyscraper, her eyes set on nothing but the building. She planned to return to her room and change into something dry. Perhaps question Pike on Raven's whereabouts.

That's when someone grabbed her arm, "Took you long enough, Graungada." The voice teased. Cress tensed, her heart leaping again.

She whirled around, her eyes wide. She didn't hesitate to press her lips to Raven's, pulling her close. The rain drizzled upon them, but Cress paid it no mind.

"Yeah, I missed you, too," Raven murmured.


	9. I Know I'm A Wolf

_If thou gaze long into an abyss,_

 _the abyss will also gaze into thee._

* * *

Cress's eyes fluttered open as she released a soft groan which evolved into a soft yawn. She blinked away the grogginess that befell her as she glanced to her side, peeking at the sleeping Raven beside her. Raven's back was to the Commander, obviously curled into a half-fetal position; perhaps too engaged in sleep or too tired to actually pull herself into a complete fetal curl. This was the furthest their relationship had pushed; simply sharing the same bed, sleeping side-by-side, just in peace. Cress yawned a second time, adjusting the sleeves of her simple gray, torn shirt. Raven muttered something in her sleep, pulling a blanket closer over her slumbering frame. Cress propped herself up on her elbow, admiring Raven's features. The moment was quiet, blissful... serene. This was the most peaceful moment Cress had had in three weeks, as it had only been three weeks since she had sent her scouts to try and find Mordgis's Caesar. The scouts had not yet returned, and Cress was growing worried. What if something had happened to them? What if Cress had led them to their doom? Cress pushed the thought from her mind, sighing, as she closed her eyes briefly. Cress then leaned over and kissed Raven's cheek in attempt to wake her up. It was, after all, probably settling into the later afternoon. All Cress succeeded in doing was eliciting a groan from Raven, who batted at Cress's face.

Cress chuckled and sat up, "Ai hod yu in," She murmured as Raven rolled over, squinting up at Cress.

"Ai hod yu in, ba yu nou laik skrish," Raven replied, though her tongue was a bit shaky and her words stumbled a bit.

The statement still tore a laugh from Cress's lips, "Daum laik ai teisa."

Raven's tired mind translated as she sat up, worming her way into the Commander's arms. "Octavia's been teaching me. I think it's a good distraction for her, you know... since she lost Lincoln,"

"I think I knew him," Cress said, frowning a bit as she tried to remember, "I'm sure I do but I cannot remember from where."

Raven leaned up to kiss her, twining her arms around Cress's neck. "Cressida?"

"Hm?"

"What's a 'Hedatu'?" Raven asked, yawning, "I heard Clarke say that, when Lexa was alive, she could've been the Hedatu."

"'Hedatu' means 'second only to the Commander'." Cress explained, "I suppose you have a fairly good chance of becoming the first Hedatu in many years."

"A fairly good chance? What are the reasons that I would not be?" Raven asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"In the event of my death-"

"No. You aren't dying on me, Cressida." Raven said, her features instantly changing.

"Raven, Commanders... they don't live happy or long lives," Cress said softly, sadly. "I do not know how long I will survive."

Raven's eyes became watery, and she glared up at her. "Ai nou na teik tu bants nowe," She said, her voice cracking softly.

"I know." Cress said softly. She moved to press her lips to Raven's, who gently took Cress's face in her hands.

"Heda!" The moment was interrupted by Aarin, who barged into Cress's chambers.

"Chit ste em, Aarin?" Cress demanded, her passionate gaze morphing into a glare.

"I apologize, Heda," Aarin said, breathless, "But you are needed. Nau!"

* * *

"Chit ste em? Chit ste disha?" Cress demanded as she entered the room, her cloak swirling angrily behind her. She had dressed quickly and was now present, Raven and Clarke by her side.

"Viper has returned. She has... distressing news." Clarke said, wringing her hands together slightly.

"Distressing how?" Cress demanded, her eyes narrowing. Raven listened, in awe- and almost fear- of how quickly Cress's demeanor had changed. "What has happened?"

"Last night-"

"Last night? _You nou tel ai taim nau_?" She demanded, her fists clenching. Cress had a tendency to switch to and from English and Trigedasleng depending on her mood.

"Heda, beja teik ai tel yu," Clarke said, her tone low and firm, reciprocating the Commander's tone and language. "Viper returned late last night, long after you had gone to bed. Blythe and Dover were not with her. She was beaten, Commander."

"Beaten? By who?" Cress demanded.

"She was too shaken to say, Commander." Clarke cautioned. "She was barely functioning when she arrived. Viper hasn't regained consciousness since she arrived. But... she did have a message for you."

"What did Viper have to say?" Cress asked, her brows furrowing in interest and confusion.

"She said ' _he_ looks forward to meeting you'." Clarke murmured.

"'He'?" Cress asked.

"I believe she meant the leader of these... Barbarians," Clarke said, struggling to find the right word. "She found them, Heda." Clarke grasped a piece of paper which had been tucked into her belt, offering it over to Cress. The parchment was stained with crimson, in fact- the 'ink' used to write on the parchment was, in fact, blood. It was the map Cress had given to the scouts, but the area- an are just outside the norther Plains land- had been marked with an 'X'. The letter was crude and jagged, having almost torn through the paper. Cress squeezed her eyes shut, inhaling sharply.

"Fleimkepa," Cress began, her eyes locking on Clarke, "Rally a party, the best warriors you can find. If it is me this Caesar wants, it is me he shall get."

"Commander, I do not-"

"This is not up for debate." Cress snapped. "He killed two of our people-"

"-We don't know that, Commander-"

"I find it blatantly obvious, Fleimkepa. This is blood, Clarke, and it is not one of his peoples'. Jus drein jus daun, Clarke."

Clarke froze at the phrase, which Lexa had said many times before. She sucked in a breath and bowed her head slightly, "Sha, Heda."

"Tell the stable hands to ready Anik and the other horses. We will leave at dawn." Cress ordered, gripping the pommel of her sword as she turned to leave. Raven, however, grabbed her arm.

"Cress, this is crazy." Raven tried to reason, her eyes wide- almost innocent. "You can't go."

"I can and I must, Skaigada." Cress said, her tone gruff yet gentle. "It is my duty to my people."

"If you go, Cressida, then I'm coming with-"

"No."

"No?" Raven demanded.

"No, Reyes." Cress repeated, her tone growing harsh. "Your place is here."

"My place is with you, Cress," Raven said, her grip growing tighter. "At your side. Oso kik thru ogeda,"

Cress sighed softly. "Ai nu huk yu op kom deimeika, natshana, en skaifaya," She began in Trigedasleng, "But I cannot give you the solace of being by my side at this moment." She ran her thumb down Raven's chin, "Laik jus gon laik Heda raun ona ai. Ai gonplei don jus stot au... I will come home."

"You can't promise that." Raven said quietly, "You know you can't promise me that, Cressida," She whimpered.

Cress kissed her forehead, "Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun."

Raven's chin quivered as she threw her arms around Cress, burying her face in the woman's neck. "Don't go."

"I wish I did not have to." Cress told her, holding the woman close. "I am sorry."

Raven sniffled softly. "No, you're not. You're doing what you think is right."

Cress didn't reply. She simply smoothed down Raven's hair, allowing the woman the moment to collect herself. "I will give you my complete attention for the time being," She promised quietly, "But in the morning when you wake, I will not be beside you."

"Love me." Raven said quietly, her dark eyes staring up at Cress with some helpless anger. "Just love me for the time being.."

* * *

And so Cress had loved Raven.

They moved as one, breathed as one, and felt as one.

They were simply _one._

Light scratches dusted Cress's skin. She was sitting, watching the wind blow the curtains that hung from the balcony, blankets wrapped around her bare form as she stared in silence. Beside her, Raven lay still and quiet, her breath even and calm. She was laying on her stomach, her fingers lightly tracing the tattoos upon Cress's skin. "It's late." Raven said after a while, her soft voice hoarse.

"I know, Skaigada." Cress replied softly.

Raven propped herself up on her elbows slightly, her gaze soft. "Then sleep, Heda.. You'll have to rise before the sun,"

Cress finally tore her gaze from the window to stare down at Raven. "Kigon yo gonplei, ai strik-won." She murmured, bending to kiss her. "I will do my best to stay alive."

"For me, or for your people?" Raven found herself asking, her voice a tad bitter.

"For you." Cress said. "I love you." Cress's 'I love you' was different than the few other times they had exchanged those three words. The phrase held a new meaning, for this love was not the love Raven had had for Finn or for Wick. This was so much more than that, this was a bond. A relationship.

"I love you, too," Raven said, her voice cracking slightly. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too, Raven." Cress said softly. She settled beside the woman, draping her arm over Raven's waist and pulling her closer. They were belly-to-belly now; Raven's head nestled underneath Cress's chin, against the Heda's neck, her arms around the Heda's waist. Cress kissed the top of Raven's head, tracing gentle patterns on the woman's bare spine; losing herself in thought once more.


End file.
